Internet Dating Tips – Did You Fall For This Clever Trap?

By Dave M.

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internet-dating-limo-ladies-laughing“I Told You So!”

Ugh. Don’t you hate when someone tells you that? 😉

Well, you’ll be hearing it from me VERY soon if you keep making this one common mistake.

Here’s why…

Today I’m going to talk about something so important, it can have a MASSIVE impact on the way you meet women online.

Once I got this, It was a definite “Ah-Ha” moment.

If you’ve been reading my newsletter for any amount of time then you know by now that I absolutely HATE using IM to meet women online

What I write is what I’ve found to work and what I do in my own life.

None of this is hypothetical.

Let me start by saying you *can* meet women using Instant Messenger

BUT…

There’s only ONE problem with that…

Unfortunately most guys have almost ZERO success in this type of environment.

Why?

Because most guys become victim to a very common (and clever) TRAP women set, and get stuck in an almost never ending “loop” of IM’s and usually NEVER end up meeting most of the women they IM with.

And if you’ve ever IM’ed with a woman, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Let me explain…

9 times out of 10 its the women who ask to chat. Therefore the fact you’re even IM’ing with her, should tell you IMMEDIATELY who is in control of the interaction.

(Hint: it isn’t you.)

When challenged with a woman wanting to IM, most men cave in and start the dreaded “IM loop” and start IM’ing for hours at a time.

The thinking behind this approach goes something like this: “I wonder… if I IM with her and we talk enough, she’ll eventually see I’m a great guy and then she’ll become interested in me.”

This is what I call the “SCARCITY MINDSET” approach to meeting women online.

One of the 5C’s I teach men is called being DESIRABLE.

If you’re not perceived as “desirable”, no woman will want you. (think supply and demand)

Simple concept, right?

>>> POP QUIZ

Do you think being on Instant Messenger, chatting with some random woman for hours and hours on end is something a desirable guy would do?

Nope.

If you’re a desirable guy, would you have hours to spend “talking” to just one woman?

Nope.

You know what?

I was an idiot.

The reason you keep hearing me talk about this is because I used to be one of the guys that made BOTH of these mistakes over and over.

————— AN *INSTANT* INTERNET DATING LESSON: —————

Remember the “IID Interest Formula”:

Mystery = Intrigue = Interest

The more of a mystery you are, the more a woman wonder about you… as she wonders about you, she becomes more intrigued with you.

The OPPOSITE is true as well. The less of a mystery you are the less women wonder about you.

In otherwards, the more available you are, the less of a mystery you are.

This is extremely powerful.

However, this leads me to a problem most guys suffer from, and that is…

>>> T.M.I. (Too Much Information) a.k.a. Verbal Diarrhea.

Most guys have a bad habit of trying too hard to get results and end up saying TOO MUCH causing the woman to loose interest.

Well guess what?

First of all, If you’re on IM with a woman, you are conveying a “lower value”, because she sees you’ve got nothing better to do than to chat her up for hours.

————— IT’S A VERY CLEVER TRAP —————

It also lets her see EXACTLY when you are home, and when you are out. She knows where you are ALL the time!

How many times have you asked a girl for her IM INSTEAD of her number? If you’re like me, that would be never.

Women ask for your IM because they are hesitant to talk to you on the phone, they are apprehensive.

– Maybe you didn’t build enough trust through your profile and/or emails.

– Maybe she’s a bit overwhelmed with the volume of emails she’s getting on a daily basis.

– Or maybe she has some real hangups about meeting anyone off the net.

It’s a TEST.

If you give in and give her your IM screen name, you’ve just failed. She knows you’re a Wuss.

Game over.

She’ll know you’re WAY too available and this is something you want to avoid at ALL costs.

————— HERE’S WHAT YOU SHOULD DO INSTEAD —————

Well, it’s taken me a few years to really put all the pieces to the puzzle together and figure out how to resolve these issues.

So here’s something for you to try:

If she emails you back asking for your screen name, my suggestion is to do this:

IGNORE IT.

That’s right — ignore it.

Make believe she never asked for it.

Remember, YOUR frame is what matters, not what she thinks or wants. You don’t even know this girl, so why do what she wants?

I know some guys want ‘how-to’ type stuff, so…

WHAT CAN YOU SAY TO A WOMAN WHO ASKS FOR YOUR IM?

This is pretty much my DEFAULT thing when I get this. Take the time to customize it to the way YOU talk. Using YOUR own words.

It works like this: You basically ignore her request and respond with:

Hey (her name),

Part 1: I’m too busy to IM…

Part 2: lets talk on the phone…

Part 3: what’s your number?

Thats it.

Something to think about:

Some women will choose to respond and some won’t. This is the way of life, but as long as you continually focus on YOUR goals and improve yourself, more women will choose to join you in your ‘adventures’.

If a woman isn’t interested in you, forget about it. It doesn’t matter.

Go to the next one. There are plenty.

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