The Pump And Dump: Gold Digger Meets Her Match

By Dave M.

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Discuss 13

Hope you’re doin’ great. This story is awesome.

A self-described, ‘spectacularly beautiful’ woman posts an online personals ad on Craigslist, bluntly stating her wish to “connect” with a marriageable ‘rich guy’ in New York City.

(she’s your typical gold digger right?)

This being New York, a Wall Street banker responds, “Your offer … is plain and simple a crappy business deal.”

Here’s what happened…

THIS PERSONALS AD
APPEARED ON CRAIGSLIST

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City , so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 100 – 150. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 150,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

– Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics – bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

– Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

– Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

– Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

– How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

THE ANSWER:

Dear Pers-:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why:

Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity… in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates!

Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage.

It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard tobelieve that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout. By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Oh man… this was great, and his last sentence is classic!

I’d love to hear your comments below, ESPECIALLY if you have experience dealing with gold diggers like this … just leave your comments below

Comment Rules: Remember what Fonzie was like? Cool. That's how we're gonna be -- cool. No bitching, whining, complaining, or negativity. No self-promotion or affiliate links. Critical is fine, but if you're rude, we'll delete your stuff. Please use your PERSONAL name or initials and not your business name and do not put your website in the comment text, as both come off like spam. Ask good questions, have fun and thanks for adding to the conversation!

13 Comments to The Pump And Dump: Gold Digger Meets Her Match

  1. lol this was pretty funny. I want to know how she felt after reading that reply 😛

    Comment by Xen — @ 4:44 PM

  2. DAMN that guy’s got her figured out. He’s gonna be gettin some 😉

    Comment by Greg — @ 8:43 PM

  3. great response pal…most of these women who think they are hot are frankly quite arrogant…they have had it good because atleast when they look hot there is no dearth of male attention… which is one of the reasons women like to look good… and you have laid your cards on the table in a professional way LOL…am sure she will take you up on your offer

    Comment by ranjith — @ 10:17 PM

  4. That guy used his head.

    Comment by James — @ 10:33 PM

  5. I love the pics on here!

    Women are so overrated like 99.9% of the time. I just want the money. Always and foreva.

    Comment by Perrywinkle — @ 12:20 AM

  6. Awesome article !

    Comment by steve — @ 8:01 AM

  7. Like they say “If it flies, floats, or flirts LEASE IT!”

    Comment by Bob Loblaw — @ 9:02 AM

  8. i THINK she replied somewhere online… don’t think the guy did again.

    But the point of showing you guys this, aside from the fact that its hysterical, is to snap some guys out of the state they are in and in thinking they need to ‘buy’ women.

    This wall st. guy was preaching the gospel 🙂

    Comment by Dave M. — @ 3:33 PM

  9. insanely clever. I laughed pretty good. I thought the guy was serious, not half-joking,

    Comment by Hark — @ 3:46 PM

  10. I love the guy he is a genius well done you for putting stupid women like her straight honestly its discusting how some women can be like that yuck. thx for sharing dave hope guys play attention

    Comment by Psymon — @ 3:56 PM

  11. I like youe pic’s on here!.Nice post tho.

    Comment by Jack — @ 4:11 PM

  12. She got what she wanted. Some excellent research into what she is looking for without ever revealing herself or tipping her hand. She can step back, learn the lesson, regroup, and come back in with an approach that works for her. Isn’t that what we are supposed to be doing here?

    Comment by Rik — @ 12:00 PM

  13. In my experience, women that describe themselves as being “classy” and “intelligent”, are usually anything but…

    Comment by Michael — @ 2:43 PM

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