6 Things You Should Never Say In Your Online Dating Emails

By Dave M.




Discuss 13

Hey Dave here,

Hope you’re good that your online dating is rock’in!

If you’ve been reading my …umm … “Newsletter” for any length of time then you know I’m all about STEALING stuff from *other* places” and putting an Insider Internet Dating “twist” to it.

Ok, so without further ado…


(unless you don’t want a reply)

EMAIL BLUNDER #1: ‘I just came across your profile’

Ummm… DUH!

No shit sherlock.

Hey genius, of course you just came across her profile, otherwise you’d never be able to email her. You wanna keep your emails short and to the point and leave out the obvious otherwise that email becomes a book chapter (which is another no-no).

This line is lame, worn out and insincere. The BS detector goes off from a mile away with this one, so don’t use it in your messages.

EMAIL BLUNDER #2: ‘I figure that I probably won’t hear from you, but…’

This one wreaks of WUSS behavior. If you’re using this in your messages, its NO WONDER women aren’t responding.

Listen up, confidence is the #1 “thing” which attracts women, Therefore, if you’re doing THE EXACT OPPOSITE of the thing which attracts women, guess what? you’re not attracting women, you’re repelling women away.


EMAIL BLUNDER #3: ‘I’m not what you’re looking for, but…’

Uh genius, then why are you even writing?

I cant tell you how many women i’ve messaged who said they weren’t “looking” for a guy like me… thing is, how many times have you seen a woman out with a guy she keeps ‘claiming’ isn’t her type?

Here’s why: Women respond to specific male behavior. Once you learn this and know how to use it, you can attract women almost on demand.

If you’re going to write a women who’s looking for something you’re not, go in with confidence.

You can’t email a woman thinking you’re not going to get a response. ALWAYS FOCUS ON YOUR DESIRED OUTOME.


EMAIL BLUNDER #4: ‘if you decide not to write me back, can you please take a minute and tell me why.’

Yeah ok. This one REALLY wreaks of desperation.

This has I AM A WUSS written all over it. You’re looking for reasons why… it doesn’t matter why. This just means you don’t get it. (but you will as you keep reading this blog)

If you are sending this in any of your emails, go and look yourself in the mirror, then repeat after me: ‘I will not be a wuss anymore…’

Then… go ahead and slap yourself upside yo’ head for being a dumbass.

EMAIL BLUNDER #5: ‘Would you like to join our swingers group sometime?’

Ok, for real, if I even have to explain why this is so wrong… forget it.

Meeting women online is not for you. I can’t tell you why right now, but someday you’ll understand… seriously, it’s for the best.

But you do get props for cutting out the BS and trying, right?

(UNLESS …you’re sending those emails on one of those ‘adult’ sites, but even then, what do you think EVERY OTHER GUY IS SENDING?)

Be different.

just a little something to think about.

EMAIL BLUNDER #6: ‘I wanted to see if there was more to you than just another pretty face’

This line wreaks of B.S. Sad thing is so many guys are STILL using it.

If you’re still using this line in your emails, you’re WAY BEHIND what your competition is doing… and that could be one of the the reasons you aren’t getting the results you expected.

The BIG “Hidden” Problem…

MOST men online come from a place of desperation and neediness… even though they’re not aware of it at all.

They NEED to “get” a woman so badly, and women can feel it to the point where it will repel many of them and convey that the guy as low value (we call this DLV – demonstrating lower value).

You need to be completely detached from caring whether or not the a woman replies to you.

Imagine an attractive woman meets two guys in a bar…

One of the guys NEEDS her acceptance and approval, cares WAY too much what she thinks …and is like a 19 year old virgin only thinking about sex, and is hell-bent on a mission to get some….

The other guy could care less if the girl is into him or not, he thinks she’s pretty cool, and attractive, but he’s a busy guy, doesn’t need the approval of a woman …and has women throwing themselves at him to the point where he can pretty much pick and chose… and in fact, he’s VERY picky…

Guess what? she will almost ALWAYS choose guy #2


Neediness, insecurity and DLV (demonstrating low value) of the first guy is repulsive to her, just like the “lets be in a serious relationship on date #2” and “gold diggers” girls are downright scary to most single men.

But the demonstrating higher value (DHV) and cool detachment of guy #1 is most likely VERY attractive to her.

The more you NEED women and NEED validation… the less value women perceive you have… and the less likely they will want to meet you.


Hey – if you *do* want to get responses to your emails, you might want to think about being more of a challenge.

BTW, here’s a HUGE lesson for you…

Whenever you see everyone doing something, do the opposite and you’ll probably come out on top.

That’s what I did and it worked.

The big secret is…. since we already know that 97% of the guys aren’t getting results, the simple answer is don’t do what most guys do – be DIFFERENT.

See, it’s actually very simple.

Women want a CHALLENGE. Most guys aren’t being a challenge to women online.

You need to remove your “desire to acquire”.

If you chase after women, they usually run away because the very act of chasing AUTOMATICALLY makes us “beta” males.

Being a challenge creates interest in part because you convey “alpha” male traits.

Men need to learn how to give it to them.

That’s what I would do if I were you.

I’d like to hear what you think. Let me know below.

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13 Comments to 6 Things You Should Never Say In Your Online Dating Emails

  1. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by sean walker and Adrian Lee, Don Hill. Don Hill said: 6 Things You Should Never Say In Your Online Dating Emails …: Hey Dave here, Hope you're good that your online… http://bit.ly/fsVOzL […]

    Pingback by Tweets that mention 6 Things You Should Never Say In Your Online Dating Emails | Internet Dating -- Topsy.com — @ 5:22 PM

  2. Great info Dave, Keep the valued info alive..

    Comment by BJ — @ 6:05 PM

  3. I just used #3 and #6 last week! No wonder I haven’t been getting that response back. Even though I was writing back to their mails. So supposedly I thought I was at the second phase already. I guess I’m still learning. But could you explain a little more of those two so that I know why I mustn’t do it? I don’t know if you respond back to emails or questions, but I would appreciate it.

    Thank you very much for your time.

    Comment by Jonzy — @ 6:12 PM

  4. Hey Dave. Good stuff here. Can you post about the second and third e-mail? Basically, once you get the ball rolling what is the best way to meet without writing novels back and forth for months?

    Comment by Maciej — @ 6:25 PM

  5. Hello Dave,

    How to become an on-line challenge when communicating with alpha females, who underestimate the good sides of the online communication and the choice it brings or have bad experience with it?

    If a woman doesn’t respond once or few times, should we continue to seduce her (having in mind that persistency is a good trait)?

    Are there specific phrases that provoke from reading to acting (to meet in real place)?

    Comment by Kamen — @ 10:18 PM

  6. Er Dave, YOU’VE actually used no 6 – check your own material!!! You make me laugh anyway! All the best!

    Comment by Rocky — @ 1:24 AM

  7. Dear Dave,

    My experience is that your “six things” advice is entirely sound, if rather obvious. Where I think you come up seriously short is it the vetting of listings, at least 90% of which are not worth spending time on and perhaps most of which are down right dangerous. If you have visited this subject before please let me know where to find your commentary. If not and you would like my comments just let me know.

    Comment by Stephen — @ 12:43 PM

  8. Hey everyone,
    I read some time ago that a guy is only good at repelling females. I wonder how or where he learned that.
    Maybe some day there will be button on the back of the head to reset, so they can be reprogramed the right way or a better way.
    Best bet is to delete all you know about women, go out have fun, be cool and relaxed and dont worry about the outcome, its true you can learn what triggers attraction, you really dont need to know everything because you will be a lonley old man before you finish reading all the material.
    Be confident and dont suck up to women.
    You would’nt believe how many mates I no longer go out with, and I once thought that they were ‘da man’ how wrong I was, its scary to be to good with women, because every friend you make, you might not qualify them and its hard to let go of friends even if you know they are not right for you, you will have to make room for more..huh? One day you’ll understand.
    Good luck
    Sydney Aust.

    Comment by Hendrik — @ 7:34 PM

  9. Totally agree, looking desperate is a total turn off… instead of pushing them the goal is to pull them in, being different and not needy, another words not chasing despite the crazy attraction, and most importantly instead of putting her on a very high pedestal, to do that to yourself and have her question HER value…hmm now there is an idea!

    Comment by roman — @ 7:30 AM

  10. Hey Dave – great stuff!! I don’t do the needy thing – I’ve got more on Brad Pitt – with less hair…anyway – by email number 5 I ask for her number. What the hell??? I have no intention of playing email tag for weeks on end…been there…..If a woman is emailing – she knows where it leads – seems as if the real quality ones need more email tag?!? Yea – yea – there’s no magic number. Online is such a challenge. Some don’t get the humor. Some don’t like “being challenged”. Some just don’t get it.

    Comment by Bill — @ 10:55 PM

  11. hey guys… Dave here….

    The big trick is to keep your messages short and to the point.

    if you do that and avoid the dumbass stuff (some of which was mentioned in the blog post) you should be just fine.

    Comment by Dave M. — @ 10:36 AM

  12. why is no. 6 considered bs ? you are being honest in saying what caught your attention first was her good looks. An important thing also is in how you are saying certain lines

    Comment by Sky — @ 11:00 AM

  13. Dont think i have used any of those well except n6 and as Rocky pointed out iam sure i used n6 because Dave taught us too, sooo errr does this mean n6 is outdated now?

    Comment by Psymon — @ 10:22 AM

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