Is This A Dumb Internet Dating Trick?

By Dave M.




Discuss 9

Hey there, I hope you’re great…

You might think this strategy is a dumb trick… but it works.

When I briefly mentioned this at a DoubleYourDating seminar I was speaking at, guys kept coming up to me all weekend asking me questions about it.

boiler room

As you may (or may not) know, my background is in sales… in fact, I used to work in a “Boiler room” investment firm, not something I’m really proud of, but I did learn a hell of a lot.

This “dumb trick” is super-common in sales.

You see, in sales you have 2 types of prospects:

Warm prospects – these are people contacting you

Cold prospects – these are people you contact first.

Think about it… if prospects are contacting you, instead of you contacting them, odds are you are dealing with a higher quality prospect, or a more “motivated” prospect… as a result, you’ll close more sales with very little to no work.


Because they are coming to you.

In my “boiler room” broker days, we’d call these;


Now, in a perfect world, these leads are what we’d call “the holy grail”… these are the only “leads”you want because they are much easier to close.

Do you see where I am going here?

Let me spell it out in english… if a woman approaches you, it’s a pretty safe bet she’s interested in you. (DUH!)

And everyone knows It’s WAY easier to talk (and hook up) with a woman when you KNOW she’s taken the first step and approached YOU.



Well… same thing goes for internet dating — If a woman emails you FIRST, its a pretty safe bet she’s very interested, or at least intrigued.

I get a lot of guys writing me saying “I saw this girl checked out my profile, she seems like the perfect girl for me… I emailed her but she never responded…”

Have you ever noticed…

1. Attractive women seem to be attracted to men who don’t treat them too well?
2. The nicer you are to a woman the less interested she becomes?

So whats going on here?

Women aren’t typically attracted to the “nice” guy… women are attracted to what I call the 5 C’s (confident, comedy, control, charisma and challenge).

Obviously good looks don’t hurt, but they’re not necessary…


When most guys see a woman’s checked out their profile, they typically send her an email like this:

“I saw you checked out my profile, you are so hot, hit me up sometime”



Newsflash: If you’re sending women messages like this, IT’S NO WONDER you’re not meeting the women you want. You’re not gonna get many women interested with an email like that. (well… maybe if you look like brad pitt)

Can we do better than that? OF COURSE WE CAN YOU FOOL!

When a guy sends a woman emails like these, he makes the critical mistake of letting the woman know he’s nervous and unsure and no challenge. (all signs of a WUSS).

Don’t do it.

Do something DIFFERENT.

Challenge her.

If she thinks she’s cool, poke fun of her of how much of a dork she is. If she’s smart, argue with her a little. If she’s doing something, tell her that you could do it better.

Are you with me on this?

When you PUSH a little (in a playful way), and show some BACKBONE, she’ll push back. That’s your sign that it’s GAME ON.

Teasing is fantastic. Do more of it.

And since your profile is written in a way that sparks attraction, she’ll instantly chose you over all the other guys emailing her.

That’s it. It really is that simple. It might not be easy, but it is really, really simple.


Being on these dating sites so often, I started noticing something VERY interesting…

Many times, I’d find myself with 5, 10 even 15+ tabs open in my browser and being preoccupied with what I was doing, I’d forget I was on the dating site….

Basically, I would leave myself logged in to a dating site: pof, match etc., while I was busy doing other things online.

Anyway, next thing you know …Women started emailing ME out of the blue!

I was pleasantly surprised 🙂

I’ll give you my take on it.

My hunch is many women on dating sites tend to do a search for “who’s online” …and because you are technically still online at the time (even though you’re busy doing something else) they find you, read your “Magnetic Profile” and message you.

Not bad!  Sometimes you hit a winner.

So… the next time you log into a dating site, open other tabs and go do something else.

While you’re off checking emails, espn, or chatting with your friends, you’re MUCH more likely to get women emailing you than if you weren’t ‘active’ on the site.

If you’re using dating sites you should implement this internet dating strategy right away. TRUST ME

Got it?

Sounds simple doesn’t it? Maybe a little *TOO* simple?

I have found over and over that, at least when it comes to meeting women, simple beats complicated pretty much every single time.

I’d love to hear your comments below.

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9 Comments to Is This A Dumb Internet Dating Trick?

  1. This applies to sites with the ‘who’s online’ thing going on, obviously, and for British users of IID, a quick heads up that does not have this function, although the standard IID method works like a charm, however.

    Comment by Radioman — @ 4:42 AM

  2. thank you for giving me the advise david m i look forward to hearuing some more tips cheers mate

    Comment by paul — @ 6:18 AM

  3. this actually does work to increase the attention you get. the problem is that the websites kick off users after a pretty short time of inactivity… unless there are workarounds i couldn’t find.

    Comment by TD — @ 11:43 AM

  4. Actley its cool enough for me tho!.Its just like a cool friend with there email.(I could email them any time i want to)I have some friends with there emails.Or they could email me to.

    Comment by Jack — @ 12:42 PM

  5. I have found this to be true, but didn’t always realize it at the time. I’d suggest checking your dating website everyday, too.

    Comment by Cary — @ 1:36 PM

  6. Hey Dave,
    Good tip… I found this same thing out awhile back doing exactly what you did.

    The beauty of it is… even though you get emails from new women, I also have gotten emails from women I’ve chatted with or have dated in the past… When they email you first… You know it’s on…

    So guys, Listen to Dave. He knows what he’s talking about… OOP SEE!! a new email just came in… 🙂

    Comment by Lance — @ 3:39 PM

  7. Hi Dave,
    Yes, I have noticed that phenomenon before too. If I didn’t go on the site for a while – no messages.
    I go on to check my mail, and within a half hour or so, I have either a couple of messages or women that have clicked they want to meet me.

    Comment by Howie — @ 4:53 PM

  8. pof or match dont kick you out…. make sure you do this at “prime time” to get the most effect out of this…

    works like a charm to get women messaging you.. stupid and pretty obvious, but its the little things that make all the difference 🙂

    Comment by Dave M. — @ 12:30 PM

  9. I actually find that POF does kick you off after a certain time. Like 15-20 minutes I think.

    My cousin told me that he leaves his POF online all the time and that he gets on average 1 new message per day from a girl.

    Pretty good results for doing next to nothing if you ask me. But like I said, I find that I get the boot after 15 minutes or so of inactivity in my POF tab.

    Not to mention, I consider that women who see me online ALL THE TIME will come to the conclusion that I must be some guy that has no life, etc. You get the idea? I mean I see certain women who just seem to ALWAYS be online on pof, and I come to the conclusion that these women have no life. In fact, I’ve met girls on POF that I notice end up being on there 24/7. And they in fact HAVE no life… Despite how attractive they are.

    Just some food for thought. The idea is a good idea, it’s just a matter of what possible negative side effects could come from it. BUT, of course, if those women see you online all the time, and haven’t messaged you yet, then they probably aren’t likely to message you at all so then you may think “who CARES if they see me online all the time and think I live on POF, because I’ll never talk to them anyway, and the girls who DO message me probably haven’t seen me online all the time or else they likely would have messaged me already”.

    Conclusion: It will probably bring you more positive than negative end results.

    Comment by CMBC — @ 5:01 PM

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