How Guys Screw Up First Dates

By Dave M.

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Here’s an interesting story…

A few days ago I got an email from a close friend who just met a woman from the internet and wanted some feedback.

Anyway – this KNUCKLEHEAD violated the cardinal rules of internet dating and made at least 5 major mistakes that made me wanna bitch slap him.

But first, let me give you some background on him:

He’s swedish, lives in Europe and is a very tall …About 6’6″ and to top it off, he’s a very good looking guy.

You’d THINK he already has everything a guy could need to naturally get girls, right?

Think again.

When he lived in the states, we’d go out and this guy would ALWAYS get women checking him out, yet he’d NEVER do anything about it.

No kidding.

Does this situation sound familiar?

So What The Hell Is
This Guy’s Problem?

He’s shy.

I mean VEEEERY shy. Whats funny is you’d never guess this, because this guy looks like he just walked out of a Prada magazine ad or something.

Go figure.

He’s into heavy/death metal and his idea of getting dressed up is wearing a pair of vans sneakers, a t-shirt and jeans.

As we’re chatting via instant messenger, he shows me pictures of this girl he was speaking with that he met on some Swedish dating site… My jaw just about DROPPED to the floor!

This girl was FINE.

You know all the stories you’ve heard about from everyone and their mother talking about how HOT swedish women are?

The Stories Are *ALL* True!

This further confirmed everyone’s theory that Sweden is one of the sexiest countries on the planet.

Imagine a tall, thin, very exotic looking, stunning brunette in her early 20′s.

I guess we need to plan a trip to Sweden sometime :-)

Anyway – he meets this girl online, in sweden, in person for the first time and then sends me this:

———-  Email Starts Here ———-

So I finally went on the date last night. We met at a square then she picked a place were we went for a drink. We went to her part of town so don’t rant on me for not picking the spot myself..

Anyway since it was a monday the place was completely empty except for an older couple in the restaurant so we sat a candle lit table in the corner.

I’m not a romantic but I could not have asked for a more perfect setting.

As for the conversation, I made her laugh more than once or twice, and not those fake cute laughs but she was cracking up.

The were some pauses too but not long enough to become awkward. I could tell she was a little nervous and so was I of course, not sure how well I hid it. She is well traveled and we like the same music so we had plenty of stuff to talk about.

It must have gone well because we were there until they told us to leave because they were closing. About two and a half hours I think.

I then walked her home, and I hate this part of the date when you say goodbye because I always linger longer than I should.

Anyway I tried to be confident, told her I had a great time and that I will go out with her again.

You know in the c + F tone like I AM going out with you again, this I have decided and you have no say in it. Not sure if that was the right thing to say? Gave her a hug said goodbye then walked away.

Today I texted her saying I signed the contract for my apartment and  that I will need some guidance in the new neighborhood.

She wrote me back saying she will volunteer as my personal guide this summer.

It’s probably hard to draw any conclusions just yet but I would like to think I did well and that I kept from screwing up. Hopefully I can stay clear of the friends zone too.

She is hot as hell. The problems I had was that she had way to much makeup on, but that helped me relax because I kept thinking that if she spent hours preparing for this date she must really be into me.

———- Email Ends Here ———-

SO, WHAT DO I THINK?

Oh man, this was painful to read.

What could he have done different?

The answer: A LOT.

I’ll point out what he did right and what he did wrong along with the “hidden lessons” you can learn from this to help you have better success with the women you meet in person from dating sites.

Here they are:

Mistake #1 –  Letting Her Select The Location

BIG MISTAKE. Whats funny is he knows he messed up here as well because he mentioned something about me not getting on him for letting her pick the location. (he’s learning so we’ll cut him a bit of slack).

When you make plans with her, make sure you already have a place in mind. The worst thing you can do is ask a woman where she wants to go… this is the kiss of death… when you do this, women tell me, immediately, they know you’re not confident and experienced with women.

Women WANT a guy that knows how to take control. Being in control lets a woman know you’re a confident male, which is a key trait of an “alpha” male.

Mistake #2 – Staying In One Location Too Long

Ok… he’s in a great setting, things are going well…  The only issue I have with what happened there, is that he stayed in the same place TOO long. When you do so, things tend to get “stale”.

End every interaction first. This makes you appear more valuable and desirable to women.

A saying we have that will remind you of this: “There’s nothing great about a 3 hour date”

Mistake #3 – Failing To Escalate

The date seemed to go well, and he walked her home yet he totally missed a golden opportunity…

He didn’t mention whether or not they were holding hands (thats a great time to make the move btw) or what was going on there …But face it, if a girl lets you walk her home, odds are she’s probably really interested in you.

She was probably WAITING for him to make a move, but he didn’t.

Of course, failing to make the move is the result of not knowing what to do, and this is what happens when you don’t have a solid game-plan.

Mistake #4 – The BIG Mistake

This is where he really messes things up BIG TIME.

Something that took me years to figure out (and something you might not realize yet) is that men, when they communicate are direct and women when they communicate are INdirect.

He makes the CRITICAL mistake many men make on the first date that is a big RED FLAG to a woman that you are a WUSS  … And absolutely DESTROYS everything they’ve done right to create attraction:

He shows his true intentions here by telling her how he feels after only ONE date! (Why did he do this? I want to smack him) and then he tries to make plans with her in a round about way…

Translation: he’s trying TOO hard and removed the challenge.

Are you with me here?

He’s just given the women (that he’s just met) no more challenge… she knows he’s super interested, the challenge, the ‘thrill of the chase’ for her, is done.

If you keep making this mistake on your first dates, you might as well throw in the towel.

Why did he feel the need to start talking? I have no idea. It’s one area where most guys turn into a TOTAL WUSS and completely screw up.

I should know. I’ve been through this so many times in my life that it HURTS.  I should probably get the jackass of the year award for most mistakes made meeting women online.

If you find yourself making any of these mistakes with women on a CONSISTENT basis, then you should get yourself some “in-depth” internet dating training.

The best way to do that is HERE.

Mistake #5 – Calling Too Soon

If that wasn’t enough he then sends her an SMS the NEXT DAY!

Where is the challenge?

You need to make her WONDER about you.

As David D. said “Give her the gift of missing you”.

She already knows you’re chasing her. Chasing implies you want to get something. If she has it and you want it, who is in control?

In other words, you need to create INTRIGUE and since he did none of this, he’s on shaky ground.

If she had other options she might be tempted to go with them and not him because he created no challenge. His value is lower than a guy who isn’t as available, as a guy who she’s not sure if he likes her or not.

There’s no mystery there.

Once you can add an element of mystery to your game, you can expect to see a MASSIVE boost in your results.

Oh…  did you notice the little thing he said at the end of his email?

“She’s hot as hell but she had a lot of makeup on.”

He NEVER says a woman is hot as hell so she must have been even hotter in person than in the pictures.  But what I found very interesting was one little sentence he wrote:

He kept thinking, “If she spent hours preparing for this date then she must really be into me”.

Beautiful.

Wow. An amazing distinction. Take this mindset and STEAL it for yourself and make sure you use it when you meet women for the first time, especially if you find yourself getting nervous.

No matter how hot she was, and how nervous it made him feel — he noticed that ONE thing and it put him at ease.

Great stuff.

It’s important to understand what goes on when you break things down into steps.  Then, you can see where you did things right, and where you did things wrong.

I hope you learned a lot from todays blog post and I hope my friend doesn’t kick my rear end for using him in this email. :)

(sorry vic)

I know this is probably a lot to digest, but it only provides a taste of what you’ll find inside Insider Internet Dating.

My point is this:

Getting success with this part of your life doesn’t just “Happen”.

If “picking up” women in bars and clubs is NOT your thing, if it doesn’t come natural for you… And if what I’m saying makes sense to you… and you’d like to learn how to learn the skills to meet women online, while at the same time overcoming the obstacles that can hold guys like you and me back from the success with women we deserve…

You need Insider Internet Dating.

If you’re as smart as a fifth grader – you can do this.

All I know is it works great for me, it works for the men who’ve used it …and I think it will work great for you too.

It’s the only training program of its kind, it cuts out all the crap and spoon-feeds you a PROVEN “Battlefield Tested” system for meeting women online.

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5 Comments to How Guys Screw Up First Dates

  1. I learned something here. Thx.

    One thought though: He said it was all in the woman’s part of town already. Thus she would know better where to go. I don’t have any problem letting the woman pick the place in that case. HOWEVER, I will tell her UP FRONT that I’m going to grade her ability to deliver on a cool spot and ask her specifically WHY she picked it once we are there. I am going to very much judge her on this to see if it fits in my criteria for a lady, and with most likelihood, explicitly tell her that. One thing you “alpha-type” guys always get caught up in and forget: if you (the guy) are ALWAYS in charge and do/decide EVERYTHING then you don’t really learn much about how dependable/intelligent/reliable/thoughtful/clever a woman is. I’m looking for a woman that delivers on all those levels, that i can depend on being and doing kickass with or without me leading. I already know that I can. I’ll take charge any time, every time, if I want to. Related, I don’t even care if any woman is into me, let alone even likes me. I JUST WANT TO KNOW IMMEDIATELY if she’s the type of person I want to continue associating with (99% of people are NOT. Fuck ‘em.) The faster I can find out about her skills, the faster I can get on with my life without wasting my time and resources. Then I know we are an incredible team ready to double kick-ass in the world because we have 2 amazing skillsets, not just another lady who likes MY ability to take charge and lead without bringin any of her own abilities to the table. I call those women “barnacles.”

    Comment by Perrywinkle — @ 5:36 PM

  2. “If she spent hours preparing for this date then she must really be into me”. I really hope he noticed that early on and implemented this mindset fast it’d have had helped him a lot.

    Comment by P — @ 6:39 PM

  3. Thank You very much Dave for sharing great stuff.
    I really appreciate Your every effort made on for our success in life.

    warm regards

    Nijat Karimli.
    Baku, Azerbaijan

    Comment by Nijat — @ 7:21 AM

  4. hey Perrywinkle, ironically if you replace “woman” by a man in your description of what you want.. It transforms into something a hot woman would tell her friends..in the end though barnacles should be replaced by chumps..

    Comment by Anand — @ 3:01 PM

  5. A quick remedy to this guys problem would be to date a lot of girls. That way you don’t have time to sweet one girl and will be busy with other girls. Women are cruel and irrational by nature. In their core they do not want a guy who will be committed to them, instead they want to share a guy desired by many women.

    Comment by Gregory B — @ 4:40 PM

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